What does this search match on? Anything with the word “said” followed by an adverb. This is important because an adverb after said is often (although not always negatively) telling rather than showing.

Let’s see what the five matches were.

“Don’t worry about me,” Samuel said slowly. “The girl needs help.”

He’s out of breath and worn out a bit, thus his speaking slowly. “Slowly” doesn’t convey any kind of emotion, but maybe I can still improve upon it a bit.

“Don’t worry about me,” Samuel said. He stopped for a moment to catch his breath. “The girl needs help.”

Later in the chapter, there’s another adverb.

“Hey, Ty,” Samuel said quietly, nudging the cat beside him. “Check this out.”

This one I could rewrite as “Samuel whispered”, but I think I’ll leave it as it is. If I can improve upon it, I’m not sure how at the moment.

I’ll skip the third one (with “Sarah said quickly”) as it’s no longer part of the story. I keep trashed scenes and dialogue in case I may get inspiration from or use of them at a later date. This part is first draft material, and not worth rewriting right now even if I were to use the portion again later.

Fourth.

“Ty isn’t with me,” Samuel said firmly.

Ouch, this is a hard one. He’s being firm in how he speaks. Could I write this in another way and capture his firmness? The scene is that someone has approached him to take his cat, Ty, away from him. Samuel is standing his ground here. Hard work here, so I’ll move on.

“I’m not sure you do forgive me,” Jenna said solemnly, stirring the ice with her straw in her half-filled cup of ice tea. “I don’t think you can forgive me for it.”

Aha! Here’s a big one. Why am I, the narrator, telling the reader that Jenna is solemn? Let’s try removing the word.

“I’m not sure you do forgive me,” Jenna said, stirring the ice with her straw in her half-filled cup of ice tea. “I don’t think you can forgive me for it.”

Now, the question is, can I infer her solemnness from the paragraph? I’d say no, I cannot. Let’s add some context by including the two paragraphs before it. It opens with Jenna speaking to Samuel.

“Actually, that’s what I wanted to bring up. I meant everything I said when drugged, but I didn’t mean to say any of it. Looking back on it, I wish I didn’t say any of it. I don’t mean it now, and I didn’t mean it the way it came out. I guess that drug let me be vocal with the things I wouldn’t say, the things I wouldn’t have said for myself, no matter how much I wanted to say them. I’m sorry for having said them to you. Can you ever forgive me?”

“Of course I forgive you,” Samuel replied with a smile. “I know what it’s like to be in that situation, and I understand your feelings over it.”

“I’m not sure you do forgive me,” Jenna said, stirring the ice with her straw in her half-filled cup of ice tea. “I don’t think you can forgive me for it.”

This is a difficult one, but one I need to tackle.

She frowned. “I’m not sure you do forgive me,” Jenna said, stirring the ice with her straw in her half-filled cup of ice tea. “I don’t think you can forgive me for it.”

Does that work? Is it really that simple? At one moment she’s asking his forgiveness for what she’s done, and the next she’s frowning, unsatisfied with Samuel’s response. “I’m not sure you do forgive me. I don’t think you can forgive me for it.” She frowns as she says this. Is she solemn? Is there a feel of gloominess in her words that might not have been there has she not frowned? I wonder…

Running all of my writings through the regular express, there’s less than ten matches. This pleases me. There’s another person speaking firmly, and one man speaks plainly. Two others speak confidently.

… expand that sentence [from step one] to a full paragraph describing the story setup, major disasters, and ending of the novel. … Ideally, your paragraph will have about five sentences. One sentence to give me the backdrop and story setup. Then one sentence each for your three disasters. Then one more sentence to tell the ending.

And so, I try it.

Orphan Samuel and his tiger cub campanion, Ty, travel across the United States, entering sanctioned animal fights to earn funds. Their interactions with combat rival Kyle put the two against an underground organization known as the Solitary Rare. Their involvement with the Solitary Rare deepens when the two are offered sponsorship of a new product stolen from the organization. When the power the Solitary Rare seeks from Kyle is unleashed on Samuel, all his friendships are strained. As he recovers, a benefactor offers him a trip to Africa, but at a great cost unknown to Samuel. Once in Africa, Samuel and Ty go in search of what they’ve been hoping to find.

Is it bad that I’m rather unsatisfied with these, but cannot do any better? I’m trying to cut out everything not relevant to the main plot, but then the main plot just feels so bare to make it so consise.

Maybe I shouldn’t have used character names yet?

Maybe I should start at the beginning.

My all-time favorite male name is Samuel. For female name, it’s probably Sarah, with the h. So, it’s no surprise that when I want to wrote a little bit of story, I start out with Samuel and Sarah as character names.

I even started a story set in the Pokémon universe with Samuel Montgomery. The surname Montgomery isn’t a favorite of mine by any means, but I’d been pairing it up with “Samuel” for some time, and liked it. I knew a Kyle at the time, so I decided to use that as the rival’s name (for lack of being able to come up with a name for him). For some reason, I see Kyle as an “interesting” name. The spelling, the pronunciation, the look of it. It has this “rare” feeling to me, as if it’s not a common name you see very often. It felt it would work for a rival, someone who is not as common in a story as the main character. Giving him a sister named Sarah made everything fit into place.

I started with a Pokémon in a local competition for Samuel and Kyle. But then what? I needed them to travel across the country, from west coast USA to east coast. I decided to rename cities by rearranging the letters (such as San Diego becoming San Goedi; an idea which I may scrap) This meant using real city names, and that meant research. I decided to plot out one state per chapter, and have a set number of chapters, each which I’d give a creative title that would inspire the events of that chapter.

Essentially, I threw together a strict outline which I must follow, even if I come up with good ideas outside of it (they must be wedged into it somewhere) or failed to come up with any ideas at all.

I’ve since dropped the relation with Pokémon from the story, and some titles were adjusted to match, but other than that they have remain the same. And they have influenced the story’s development in good ways.

I think I might finally be almost ready to drop this strictness, as I snowflake the story.

The difficult part for me when writing different parts of a story is keeping them in order. One text per chapter. You can’t put the chapter number in the filename, because you might rearrange, or add or remove chapters.

Maybe chapter isn’t even the right word. In this story, a “chapter” can contain many unrelated events, one after another, as long as they are in the same city. Perhaps a whole new approach should be used. One folder per state/city pair can be used. Each state can be numbered based on its visit, with California as “1″. There might be multiple cities visited, so either the folder can contain multiple folders per city, or there can be multiple folders such as “1.1 San Goedi, California”, with the next city in California having a folder name starting with 1.2. From here, the events in one city can be split into multiple files, one for each event, and those can easily be moved from one folder to another as necessary.

That’s going way off on a tangent there. Back to there monolithic “chapters” I have the story split into right now. I put my outline here as a means of reminder to myself that which I must cast off. I will not be able to properly snowflake this story if this outline is constraining me as longer. This will free all my scene ideas that don’t fit into the outline, as well. I’ve included my almost-original chapter outlines. They’re only “almost” original because they’ve been modified to work with the removal of Pokémon.

Chapter One: Leaving Home: First Steps of a Long Journey

“Animal researcher Samuel Montgomery finally decides the time is right to leave his California home travel to New York, aiming to participate in the National Championship. Also heading out west are Samuel’s self-proclaimed rival, Kyle Johnson, and Kyle’s sister Sarah, who happen to be the targets of Rubin and Saphir, members of an organization known as the Solitary Rare.”

This chapter takes place in San Goedi, California. Outside of Kyle losing to Samuel in the local championship, and an introduction of Rubin, there really isn’t much at all that happens in California. This needs to be fixed, I’m sure.

Chapter Two: Uneasy Spirit: Mystery of the Bansee

“In a small town in Arizona, Samuel finds himself caught in visions from times long past. Local legend tells of a bansee, and Samuel is her next victim. Kyle and Sarah can only laugh at this unbelievable plight. Who believes in such a silly legend? A fierce storm sets the stage for Samuel to meet the bansee face-to-face, and confront the origin of the legend.”

Takes place in Neophix, Arizona. This idea worked for a Pokémon-based story, but it doesn’t work as well for what “Dragon Blood” has become. Banshee aside, I have things in this chapter that need to happen. I can drop the banshee part, but that leaves things hollow in the chapter. Also, the banshee part ties in to something in the latter half of the story. I want to keep this in, and successfully write in events to stories unrelated to Samuel’s goal, but which he becomes a part of along the way.

Chapter Three: The Great Sand Dunes: Friend in the Desert

“The vast deserts within Colorado provide harsh and treacherous environments for Samuel and Ty to train. When Samuel becomes lost in the burning desert, a young archaeologist takes him in.”

I think Cottonwood Grove, Colorado is the only place whose name I didn’t re-spell, other than New York City.

I have little written for this chapter. If I want to use Carlyn (the archaeologist) where I already have him in later parts of the story, then he needs to be introduced here. I want to be able to tie this chapter in with the hidden backdrop story of dragons, as well as various actions of the Solitary Rare organization. Much work is required here.

Chapter Four: Troubled Reunion: Battles and Festivities

“After running into Sarah, Samuel decides to train for his first major battle. Also, he attends a local Irish festival.”

The chapter for Thiawic, Kansas is the second most empty chapter after the Cottonwood one. The Irish festival is meant to introduce Sarah and Kyle’s father, and has since become a method to really show what drives Kyle to compete. However, I need a festival in the next chapter instead, which makes things all the more difficult. By casting the outline aside, maybe I can merge the two into one.

Chapter Five: The Carp and the Waterfall: Legend of the Dragon

“It’s festival time in Missouri, pulling in battlers from miles around. Kyle becomes fascinated with the legend of the carp that became a dragon. Samuel discovers new enemies from the Solitary Rare. Sarah prepares to return home, for the start of the new school year.”

See? Didn’t I say there’d be a festival here in the next chapter, here in Ebanlon, Missouri? Merging this in with the prior chapter, Sarah could stay with her father and go with him back to California, so she can return there in time to start back in school.

Chapter Six: Solitary Rare and the Healing Spray: Enter Vicky and Jenna

“Samuel meets Vicky Edwards, an animal-nurse-in-training, as he journeys through Illinois. She carries with her a revolutionary new kind of medicine, a spray with the ability to heal almost instantly, which sets her as a target of two top Solitary Rare members: Iolyte and Amethyst.”

The story in Tontoma, Illinois here has changed in various ways since this bit was written.

Chapter Seven: Kind Kindler and Forceful Enemies: Protect the Heal Spray!

“A huge competition means points to be earned. With the Heal Spray in his care, Samuel first visits a kindler friend who works nearby, within Indiana. Iolyte and Amethyst are determined to obtain the Heal Spray, and use full force — against both Samuel and Ty!”

It’s off to Rhotba, Indiana. Let’s see, there’s the Heal Spray going into Samuel’s care. There’s meeting with the kindler (which ties in an event in the next chapter, but I also should write something in the California portion to also tie in with that, and perhaps bits elsewhere). There’s defending the Heal Spray. There’s the competition. That’s a lot to fit into one chapter. I’ll enjoy breaking this up into multiple files, and only hope I can keep them sorted. I’ve been unsuccessful in writing software to keep these organized for me, I’m afraid.

Chapter Eight: Victims of Fire: Rubin’s Past

“Ohio is the location of Rubin’s childhood. When his past crosses Samuel’s present, the two must work together to uncover a sinister conspiracy.”

Not much to say about the chapter in Arbaun, Ohio except that it would be the start of Rubin questioning his own present. It’s pretty self-contained to one event, although I can see more being added around it.

Chapter Nine: Poison of the Moon Pearl: Occult Girl and Many Good-Byes

“A glowing moon pearl contains mysterious powers, and its influence takes hold of Samuel. One girl in Pennsylvania holds the secret to the moon pearl, but Saphir has other plans for the girl’s knowledge. The direct effects of the moon pearl may be temporary, but emotions will take longer to heal, and paths fork.”

Arriving in Pennsylvania leads to a lot of major events. It’ll be nice to split them up a bit.

Chapter Ten: Mystery Water Beast and Saphir’s Drug

“A member of the Solitary Rare is causing trouble in New Jersey, and his sights are set on the a rumored hybrid. Saphir learns about Ty’s true identity as a tigon, and uses deceit in attempt to take this feline for her employer.”

In New Jersey, the drug was originally intended to be used against Samuel’s cat, Ty. This has been changed quite a bit, but the general idea is still there. Nonetheless, a lot happens here that can be broken up into bite-sized portions, rather than sitting all in one chapter, in one file.

Chapter 11: Begin Championship: Christmas-time Sports

“It’s time for the competition battles to begin! It’s also the holiday season, and Christmas is right around the corner, marked with a huge celebration in honour of combatants. When Kyle tells Samuel to keep away from the celebration, Samuel discovers what Christmas is truly about.”

Finally, New York. Never mind the sappy “discovers what Christmas is truly about” in there. A lot happens in New York. Too much for one chapter, one file.

Chapter 12 and Beyond

The original outline didn’t take into account a real story starting to creep in which would require sending Samuel to Africa after New York. I also had ideas written out for Brasil, but managed to lose them.

There, that’s out of the system. I can continue with the snowflaking now.

Take an hour and write a one-sentence summary of your novel. … The sentence will serve you forever as a ten-second selling tool. This is the big picture …

[This sentence is] the hook that will sell your book … to readers. So make the best one you can!

Recommendations are to keep it within 15 words, and to not include character names. It should involve the character with the most to lose and what he wants to win. So, what have I come up with?

An orphan and his cat cross the country in search of their missing parents.

Over an hour, and many variations went into that. And I’m very much not satisfied with it. Considering everything Samuel and his cat, Ty, go through, it’s hard to fit it into 15 words or less. To be honest, I don’t even know what to do with his parents. Originally he was going to find them, but that leaves the question of why they’ve been gone for this long. I have a few ways to answer that question, but nothing satisfactory for me. They need to be “lost” in Africa for ten years here…

Ingermanson writes,

Tie together the big picture and the personal picture. Which character has the most to lose in this story? Now tell me what he or she wants to win.

Samuel is the main character, so the line has to be about him, but does he have the most to lose? He’s already “lost” his parents. He’s trying to find them, or at least to find out what happened to them.

There’s also Kyle. The “bad guys” are after Kyle for a rare stone he has, something that belonged to his grandmother. Samuel simply gets caught up in it.

Midway in the story, the stone is destroyed, and Vicky enters. She needs funding so her grandfather’s research can be finalized, but the “bad guys” are after that research. This research is something major, and something her grandfather wanted to be completed. Samuel gets caught in this, as well.

By the final stage of the story, the “bad guys” have Ty, Samuel’s tigon cub, as a target. Samuel and Ty have been together for a decade (with a reason for Ty to still be a cub; it’s the dragon blood). Ty was the last gift to Samuel from Samuel’s parents from the time when they vanished. Ty is practically Samuel’s only true friend. But Samuel doesn’t risk losing him until near the end of the story.

I just don’t know how I can improve that sentence, but I don’t care for it.

Good fiction doesn’t just happen, it is designed.

This is how Randy Ingermanson begins his discussion on novel design in his article, How to Write a Novel: The Snowflake Method. I’ve found the snowflake method to be very effective, so I’ve decided to apply it to a story I started years and years and years ago, and every now and then write a little bit more to, or clean up what I have.

The story in question is “Dragon Blood”. It started out as a Pokémon fanfic, set in the United States (and the original working title was literally “Pokémon USA”). When it became a greater story than the world I had it constrained in, I ported it over to “the real world”, but I kept the “battling monsters” twist (replacing monsters with animals).

At one point, I decided I wanted those animals battling to have a higher intelligence than most animals, and I set it out that these animals had been infused with the blood of dragons. However, no one knows about dragons, except for various reports that have been kept “hush hush”.

So, how do we get from no one knowing about dragons to animals infused with dragon’s blood and still have people not know about dragons? The “bad guys” work for a large and powerful organization which has been researching and testing dragon blood, so it would be possible for and “accident” to result in some animals having dragon blood get into their system. But…how does this account for animals all across the country? Or the world?

My leading theory is that this organization is international, and the storage method they used for the dragon blood was pretty much the same in all faciliites. However, unknown to anyone in the organization, the stored dragon blood that sat around the longest was seeping through the containers, and into underground water streams. When drank by animals, they become “infused” with dragon blood. When drank by humans, it’s deadly, but simply filtering the water will remove the dragon blood.

So, maybe I can make that work. But what about the rest of the story? There are still lots of parts that need to be reworked, or (horror of horrors) scrapped completely. It’s only recently that I finally came to a resolution and decided that characters Vicky and Jenna do not have animals of their own to battle with. They were Pokémon trainers in the original concept story, but it doesn’t work out in what the story has become. That’s one of the parts that has been “easy” to deal with, taking maybe only six months of playing with ideas here and there to resolve it.

February of 2009 will be my “Snowflake Dragon Blood Month”.

The only information of interest is that Samuel and Vicky like one another, but something happened that pulled them apart, and things are uncertain between them now. Vicky’s friend, Jenna, has always been at odds with Samuel. Carlyn is a guy Samuel met prior, and they recently ran into one another, and are sharing a hotel room to cut down on expenses while traveling.

What follows is the original scene.

Carlyn sees Vicky and Jenna walking through the lobby at a competition sign-up. He comments on seeing a couple of visions of loveliness, then questions Samuel’s disinterest. “You can at least look,” he tells Samuel.

With a sigh, Samuel looks up from his application form, turning around halfway. He sees Vicky and Jenna off in the distance, causing him to let out a gasp.

“See?” Carlyn says. “Aren’t they lovely? I’d definitely like to get a date with that one.”

“Wh-which one?” Samuel asks.

“Oh, so now you’re interested? The one cute one.”

“Which one?” Samuel repeats.

“I see,” Carlyn says with a sly grin.

“See what?” Samuel asks, confused.

“You like them both so much, they’re both cute to you.”

“That’s not it. It’s just that…”

“The one in the glasses. I think I’ll go ask her out.”

“What? No, you can’t!”

“Samuel, what’s gotten into you?”

“I mean, she looks like she’s doing just fine.”

“So that’s how it is, I see.” Carlyn’s smile turns to devious. “You’re hoping to ask her out, aren’t you? I suggest trying for her friend, unless you want to be my rival. I’m off to take my chances.”

Samuel can only watch as Carlyn hurries over and greets the two.

To Vicky, Carlyn bows. “I would most honored if you would accompany me to dinner tonight, m’lady, so we may get to know one another.”

Jenna asks, “Is he for real?”

Carlyn, still bowing, looks up. “If your beautiful friend would like to double, I have a companion staying with me.”

“Of all the nerve,” Jenna mumbles. “Vicky, just tell this guy off.”

“I…” Vicky starts, unsure of what to say.

Samuel hurries over to Carlyn. “Please, don’t mind him. Carlyn, he just…”

“That explains it,” Jenna says with a scoff. She closes her eyes. “Vicky would be delighted to go out with you. Carlyn, is it?” She opens her eyes, looking at Samuel.

“I..” Vicky begins again. She looks at Samuel’s sorrow-filled face.

Jenna informs Carlyn, “We’ll be ready by half after seven. Don’t be late.” She tugs at Vicky’s arm. “Come on, let’s go.”

When the two are out of view, Carlyn says, “The ball is in your court, Mr. Montgomery. For now, just be ready by seven.”

“Ready by seven? What for?” Samuel gives Carlyn a confused look.

“Didn’t you hear her friend? They’ll both be ready. You’re going on a double date, my friend.”

“But I don’t even have a date!”

“Vicky’s friend is your date. Man, Samuel, you’ve really got to get with the program.”

“There’s no way Jenna would date me,” Samuel proclaims.

“She accepted the double-date knowing rather well you would be her partn–wait, how do you know her name? Why, Mr. Montgomery, you sneak you. You managed to collect information on them already. I guess the real fun begins with dinner.”

As said, for the rewrite below, I’ve decided to switch tenses to what the actual story uses, past tense. However, the main goal was to narrow the point of view to one character. I wanted it to be Samuel Montgomery, but this wouldn’t work out due to the part where Samuel is left behind at the registration counter while Carlyn goes over to talk with the girls.

So, I make the point of view be Carlyn’s. Simple enough. However, there’s one major thing to keep in mind here: Carlyn doesn’t know who Vicky and Jenna are. The last time he was seen in the story was before Samuel had even met the two. Because of this, their names must be kept hidden from the reader, not because the reader shouldn’t know who the two are, but rather because Carlyn doesn’t.

Withholding Jenna’s name throughout the entire scene also makes Carlyn’s line about Samuel knowing her name seem much more believable, as Jenna’s name doesn’t keep coming up in the narrative leading up to it.

Here is the revised draft of the scene:

His back to the registration counter, Carlyn looked around. His eyes fell upon two teenage girls at the other end of the lobby. His eyes followed the two as they moved from person to person. “Would you look at that?”

Samuel gave no response. He continued filling out the competition’s application form.

Carlyn’s eyes continued to watch the girls. “A couple of visions of loveliness like nothing I’ve ever seen.” He looked over to his side, finding Samuel’s focus still on the form. “Disinterest is fine, but you could at least look,” he said.

With a sigh, Samuel looked up. He turned around.

“Over there,” Carlyn told him, pointing to the two.

Samuel looked around in the direction Carlyn pointed. He stopped, letting out an audible gasp, his jaw remaining down a little.

A smile formed on Carlyn’s face. “See?” he said. “Aren’t they lovely?” He looked back at the girls. “I’d definitely like to get a date with that one.”

In a quick movement, Samuel’s head turned toward Carlyn. “Wh-which one?” he asked.

Finding Samuel’s sudden attention humorous, Carlyn looked toward him, while still facing forward. “Oh, so now you’re interested?” he asked. “The cute one, of course.”

A slight shake in Samuel’s hand caused the pen to slip from his fingers. “Which one?” Samuel repeated, taking no notice of the pen hanging from the chain that attached it to the counter.

The smile turned up on one side, becoming a sly grin. “I see,” Carlyn said.

“See what?” Samuel asked.

Carlyn gave Samuel a playful punch against the shoulder. “You like them both so much, they’re both cute to you.”

“That’s not it,” Samuel said as he lifted the clipboard in his hand. He looked around for the pen. “It’s just that…” He found the hanging pen, and took it in his hand.

“The one in the glasses. I think I’ll go ask her out.”

The clipboard hit the ground.

“What? No, you can’t!”

“Samuel, what’s gotten into you?”

“I mean, she looks like she’s doing just fine.”

“So that’s how it is, I see.” Carlyn’s grin turned from sly to devious. “You’re hoping to ask her out, aren’t you? I suggest trying for her friend, unless you want to be my rival. I’m off to take my chances. Try not to leave your application on the ground.”

As he backed away, Carlyn watched Samuel kneel down to pick up the clipboard with his unfinished application. Carlyn then turned in the other direction, and pushed his way through the crowd. He soon found himself face-to-face with the girls.

To the girl wearing glasses, Carlyn bowed. “I would most honored if you would accompany me to dinner tonight, m’lady, so we may get to know one another.”

“Is he for real?” the other girl said.

Still bowing, Carlyn looked up. “If your beautiful friend would like to double, I have a companion staying with me.”

“Of all the nerve,” the other girl mumbled. “Vicky, just tell this guy off.”

“I…” The girl in glasses closed her mouth.

Hearing hasty footsteps approaching, Carlyn stood upright.

Samuel stopped by Carlyn’s side. “Please, don’t mind him. Carlyn, he just…”

The other girl scoffed at Samuel’s words. “That explains it,” she said. Tilting her head aside, she closed her eyes. “Vicky would be delighted to go out with you. Carlyn, is it?” She opened her eyes, looking right at Samuel.

“I..” the girl in glasses, Vicky, began again. She looked at Carlyn’s wide-eyed face, then at Samuel’s face, a face filled with sorrow.

The other girl’s arm stretched out in front of Vicky, pushing her back just a little. “We’ll be ready by half after seven,” she informed Carlyn, “Don’t be late.” She gave a tug at Vicky’s arm. “Come on, let’s go.”

It wasn’t until the two were out of view when something was said. Carlyn spoke the first words. “The ball is in your court, Mr. Montgomery. For now, just be ready by seven.”

The look on Samuel’s face conveyed the confusion Carlyn by now expected it to. “Ready by seven? What for?”

“Didn’t you hear her friend? They’ll both be ready. You’re going on a double date, my friend.”

“But I don’t even have a date!”

“This girl, Vicky, her friend is your date. Man, Samuel, you’ve really got to get with the program.”

“There’s no way Jenna would date me,” Samuel proclaimed.

“She accepted the double-date knowing very well you would be her partn–wait, how do you know her name? Why, Mr. Montgomery, you are such a sneak! You managed to collect information on them already. I guess the real fun begins with dinner.”

It needs a lot more work, true. Still, I think limiting the scope of the point of view to Carlyn improves the scene. Further improving can really bring out Carlyn’s personality. His first appearance in the story builds him up as a true friend. His second appearance (taking place before the events including this scene) show him to go a strong ally. Starting with this scene, he’ll find himself in a position where he can either stand by Samuel’s side, or turn his back to him, and work against him. Whatever action Carlyn takes, his interactions with Samuel leading up to now, and his actions here, and what follows, must all support the action in the end.

Oh, and I started adding more things to build up the backdrop, mostly with the pen and the clipboard. There’s a lot more work to be done in the props and backgrounds department.